


wand in french is a baguette ;)

by zvyozdochka



Category: Buzzfeed The Try Guys (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Hope You Don't Mind Guys I Did Your Editing For You, M/M, Try Guys Eat Sandwiches, it's all just a euphemism i'm so sorry but i laughed So Hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 21:45:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15671904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zvyozdochka/pseuds/zvyozdochka
Summary: In the Hogwarts kitchen, four boys find themselves watching Eugene make one hella fine sandwich. Keith masticates, porking Zach is off-limits because he's keeping kosher, and Ned has a bun in the oven.Set in the era of the TRYwizard Tournament.





	wand in french is a baguette ;)

**Author's Note:**

> The puns were practically my duty bound obligation okay. Samuel Beckett can come for my surrealist writing. @THETRYGUYS: if u put this in a vid pls pls pls at least narrate _some_ of the puns okay.

The kitchens at Hogwarts were empty and in a rare state of disarray when Keith walked in, Hogwarts robes thrown on over his pyjamas. The usual pedantic order of its contents, meticulously maintained by a fleet of house elves, had been tossed into the same chaos that the Triwizard Tournament had turned into. Fourth Champion? You-Know-Who returning? Keith’s not outright saying that Harry Potter is a bit of a lier, but he’s also not not saying it, which perhaps says something in and of itself.

Similarly, he’s not not saying that Eugene from Durmstrang might be a little in love with the act of making sandwiches, seeing the way that guy piled mayo onto his knife. 

‘Why are you… wait, is that meat?’

‘Ohhh yeah,’ Zach said from where he was leaning over the counter, watching Eugene spread it. ‘Pork.’

Sure enough, exposed on the bench, thick and juicy, there it was. 

‘Aren’t you Jewish, though?’ Ned asked from where he stood in the corner. Exactly how long the Beaubatons boy had been there no one quite knew, but looking at the flour on his fingers, Keith could assume he’d kneaded some dough, maybe had a bun in the oven.

‘I’m just watching,’ Zach said, a little pissed. ‘It’s kosher.’

Eugene looked a little annoyed at the interruptions, but let it never be said that Keith had turned down a sandwich— especially not one ready and waiting in front of him.

He pulled up a chair and sank his teeth into it, relishing in the thickness and the length, wondered how much he could fit before he choked. Eugene looked at him, eyes heated, and—

‘Do you ever think,’ interrupted Zach, ‘that this is maybe a little bit weird?’

Keith swallowed, and stared at him now that the pork sandwich was no longer choking him, confused. In Zach’s hands is a tiny egg and cucumber sandwich, the kind served at fancy high teas. Keith liked a bigger sandwich himself.

‘Like,’ Zach continued, ‘this whole scene is a second hand metaphor for—’

‘Nah,’ said Ned, still in the corner, and pointed his baguette at Eugene.

Eugene pulled his bitchiest face and confiscated Ned’s wand. ‘If all you’re going to do is make euphemisms then you really need to come up with a better punchline.’

( _There was a joke?_ Ariel wondered from near the oven, and looked up at the title.)


End file.
